How Real Men Code: In 5 Easy Steps

How Real Men Code: In 5 Easy Steps


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Sunday, June 10, 2007
By admin
By Carl Poland (guest contributor) — CEO, Compubiztech Solutions, LLC, and Professor of Computer Science

The other day, I stumbled on a post by some “blogger” named Kathy Sierra. Her post advised that code “…cannot be merely functional, it must be beautiful, as well. ” This idea is not only stupid, but dangerous, and even stupid, as I’ll show. Code is supposed to be ugly. If it weren’t ugly, than it wouldn’t be code! People who claim otherwise merely reveal their inexperience.

Some whippersnapper programmers, (those I’ve noticed, I’ll merely number 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11 [i really hate these guys…]) think their “metrosexual” code makes them smart. I’ll get to them later: these smarty-farties are naive, idealist amateurs. I should know.

I’ve been programming enterprise grade applications since 1971, and haven’t learned a new thing in 30 years. There is no “silver bullet”, as I’ve always said[see editors note #1].

Now, I consider my code my personal property, so you’re not allowed to see it. However, I can tell you that its the work of an expert, and I want to share a few of my tricks. As a computer science professor [see editor’s note #2, #3], I realize that the youth could benefit from my experience.

Lesson 1: Good code is Manly Code

  1. KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID — I’m not impressed by APIs, they only confuse matters. Long ago, I’ve learned that every situation is unique, and therefore, no code is ever reusable. Attempting to allow other code to interact with your code is just going to lead to trouble. I rest my case.

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